A month ago, I was at the Verizon store upgrading the relic that was once my cell phone for the latest and greatest iPhone. While I was waiting, I saw this mom with her 10 year old-ish daughter, waiting around while the guy who was helping her was in the back (my theory is that the cell phone guys all get together in the break room and play ping-pong while they are "checking something with their manager"). So, I'm sitting here staring awkwardly this at this mom and daughter when, out of the blue, they embraced and all of a sudden, BAM, I want kids.

What the what? Kids have always made me nervous. There's only 3 1/2 years between me and my little brother, so I was never around super young siblings. Yeah, I babysat, but that was different...and I wasn't very old when I stopped babysitting. Kids just made me feel awkward- mostly little kids. I've never had a problem with the older variety. A few years ago I was asked to be a primary teacher at church and I just about had a panic attack. 2 hours every Sunday with half a dozen 6 year olds was very intimidating. But, I jumped in there and actually fell in love with those little buggers. Babies, though, whoo, babies made me even more uncomfortable than children. Fortunately though, my sister had a baby and my fear of them was quickly squelched after I realized it was really hard to kill them.

Let's be clear, I was never intentionally trying to kill babies, I was just under the impression that they were super breakable. After my nephew barfed straight down my shirt twice in a row though, I figured he must be made of tougher stuff than I originally gave him credit for, and we've been buddies ever since. Except when it comes to poopy diapers. He's on his own with that one.

The point is, I always figured that I'd have kids one day and it would be great, but I've never necessarily been baby hungry. Now, though, I get a lump in my throat if I'm watching something and a baby starts crying. For example, last week I rented "Thor" from Redbox- there's this part where Anthony Hopkins picks up this alien baby that's crying. By the grace of Anthony Hopkins, the alien baby suddenly transforms into a human baby, looks deeply into Tony's eyes, and stops crying. I was really confused though, because while the baby's face became calm, the crying had only gotten louder. And that's when I realized it wasn't the baby crying, it was me. Who am I?!

It doesn't even have to be babies, necessarily. I live across the street from an elementary school and when I go running in the mornings, I'm usually surrounded by hoards of little kids on their way to school. Despite the fact that I've got my music cranked up in my ears and I'm self-concious that my shorts are riding a little high, I find myself getting distracted by how cute these little kids are, wondering if they have happy lives, wanting to hug the one that's walking alone with his head down. Then suddenly, I've got a lump in my throat and I want to take them to my house and bake them all cookies filled with love and sprinkles.

Just kidding. I don't have any sprinkles.

Ugh, it's just the weirdest feeling though. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I thought a career would fulfill me, but I'm finding that the only thing that's truly fulfilling is your family and the people you fill your life with. Since my family lives in Arizona and I'm living on my own and usually hanging out solo, I've come to realize that most experiences just aren't as awesome as they could be if you had someone to share them with. I think it's taken "having it all" to realize that maybe "it" just isn't enough.

Don't get me wrong though- I'm happy with my life. I mean, really, when else am I going to be able to walk around my house naked and not worry about who sees me?

Loves,
M

This post contains movie spoilers so please, do not continue if you have not yet seen the movie "One Day" and would prefer not to have the ending ruined (but really, its not like you couldn't see it coming from a mile away).

So, I watched "One Day" last night (finally), and while I initially got choked up at the end and may, or may not, have yelled at my television in futility, I have come to the conclusion that this film is absolute crap. Let's recap, shall we? This movie is about a guy and a girl who meet in college in the 80's; they almost hook up but end up just sleeping together (literally) and from that, a friendship blossoms. As the film progresses, it catches up with the two characters every year on the same day that they originally met. The girl mostly suffers with a lack of career and a boyfriend who belongs in the side-show of a circus. The guy becomes rich, famous, and promiscuous while the girl works in a dive restaurant and is pathetically insecure. Eventually, the guy gets engaged (because his girlfriend got pregnant) and the girl continues on living the single life after finally dumping her lame boyfriend.

In the middle of all of this, it is revealed that the girl has been in love with the boy since college- before they even almost hooked up- and the guy reveals that he has felt the same way. Surprise, surprise, the guy tells the girl that he doesn't want to pursue a relationship with the her because he knows that if they start something, it will mean the end of his partying-and-sleeping-around ways and he's "not ready" for that.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, they finally get married (after like, 15 years) and over the next couple of years, you find out that they are happily married but have been unsuccessful at getting pregnant. And then she gets hit by a bus while riding her bike.

Are you freakin kidding me?!

Here's my issue with this movie: the ending focuses on the guy's pain and suffering over losing his wife, but what about all of the pain and suffering she had to endure for years before the guy finally gets over himself and grows up, not to mention the agony of not being able to get pregnant? He's a complete jackass- to her, to his dying mother, to everyone who knows him- and yet he gets to spend most of the movie rich, drunk, and with some hot piece. Yeah, some crap stuff happens to him, but he deserves it. Girlfriend, on the other hand, is working hard for the money and continues to put up with and even console the guy, and yet she gets stuck with a horrible job, being perpetually single except for a brief stint with a creeper boyfriend, frizzy hair, infertility, some unfortunate sartorial choices, and death by bus?! I think the writer hates women.

Why is this movie burning me up so bad? I think it's because I know one too many dudes like the one in the movie. The movie glorified the guy's pain and misery, but he brought it on himself. The girl though, she was actually trying to progress with her life--

Oh my gosh, this movie is my life. I am going to end up childless and die in a freak bus/bike accident.


**For Sale**
Bicycle, one owner, collapsable baskets over the back tire. Will throw in tire pump, water bottle, and bike lock for free.